Who me?
No...
...
Not at all...
OKAY! I give. Maybe a little haha
In light of the new month, I thought I would we could chat a bit about fears.
Have you ever (and I’m sure you have) had a really ridiculous fear. But it was a legitimate fear? And even though it’s something that really scares you, there’s no logical way it would happen to you or the odds are you're going to be alright?
Well, my crazy fear is that I’m going to be trapped under an icy river, you know, like in Balto? Sucking for life on the bottom of a sheet of ice..
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| Terrifying!!! |
Ya.
The odds of this happening to me are practically a zero. But, it’s still a weird fear of mine. Haha.
So yea,
that’s me.
Another funny fear of mine, but it has been a huge reality in my life, is the fear of being normal.
Weird right?
But yea. It’s something that I’ve really been pushing through just recently in the last few weeks.
What does it look like for me to feel normal? You might be wondering. . .
How I’ve recently noticed I’ve felt normal
-ordering food out at restaurants
-preparing a dinner for my family AND joining them in the same meal
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| Aforementioned meal ^^ |
-being excited for different foods
-feeling comfortable eating (not thinking about it anymore)
Doesn’t really seem like much to be afraid of am I right?
But it’s been a crazy struggle letting go of one comfort zone, and finding comfort in this new way of life.
Most of the time I really haven’t minded the level of comfort I have had with my meals. It’s been kind of nice.
And like I mentioned last week. I’m really able to recognize myself. Alicia wants her body to be healthy. And Alicia understands exactly how to get there, and she’s comfortable doing it.
So why am I so afraid?
This is normal.
Well. I’m not afraid.
ED is.
That’s where I’ve been this week. Finding my confidence in the middle of this fear, that really isn’t even my fear!!
And it sucks.
One minute I’m super jazzed about my self, feeling really good, body image is up.
Heck ya- I’ll eat Taco Bell
Red Lobster? Suuuuure!
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| Snow Crab: conquered! |
Then the next minute I’m plagued with thoughts, freaking out about “how could I have let myself get so comfortable?” “What are you doing??”
But this life isn’t what I’ve worked for. It’s what ED has worked for. And I’m really excited to start working toward a life that I want.
So yea. I still have a lot of scary moments where I sit and freak out because I’m scared. Have bad body image. Just want to be sad. Or angry.
But I’m learning to have a peace about all these things. Because I feel like if I can’t experience these emotions without having a peace about them, I think ED will keep me stuck. (Sorry if I ramble, I’m think-typing! haha)
So I’m really excited about being normal but also really afraid.
But really there’s nothing to be scared of. There’s nothing wrong at all with normalcy
It’s just a matter of letting go of the comfort zone I’ve lived in so long.
What’s annoying though, is that this fear is SO irrational. What’s so bad about being normal?? Odd’s are I’m going to be alright. But like I said. Everyone has silly fears ;)
-What do you think?
-Any crazy ridiculous fears?
-Anything you want to conquer this fall?
-Any good fall recipes??? :)
items in my package:
