So I know I don't live in Australia
BUT
I am slightly obsessed with the country
Through this obsession I learned they are raising mental health awareness.
Today happens to be R U OK Day
"R U OK?Day is our national day of action dedicated to reminding everyone that we’ve all got what it takes to ask, “are you ok?” and support those struggling with life."
Their aim is to inspire people to start these types of conversations any day of the year
I wanted to take this time today to reintroduce myself back into the blogosphere and open up the conversation.
Not that I want this to turn into a "woe is me"
But when I was blogging before, it was an amazing outlet to just personally work through things
And I am hoping today to open the conversation and really answer am I OK?
Much like before I'm hoping this will bring me some therapeutic relief, but also I hope that this encourages a conversation.
Freedom to ask questions
Or to simply
Not be
OK
All the time.
Some of you who've been reading along or perhaps know me personally, know the journey life has brought me on.
But for those who don't.
I had a strong eating disorder.
For more on that story, you can simply click here
However, for the last two years I've been in recovery.
Some days were terrible, some were awesome.
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| can you tell i love my pet? |
And for the better part of this last year I'd say things were fantastic
Would I say it's gone?
Probably not
Yes, I know what I'm saying.
And that probably doesn't sound amazing.
But hear me out
It's like being under a constant curse.
I'm going to let my inner geek out for a minute
What better way to explain a curse than drawing on Once Upon A Time
I know, i know.
I've drawn on this comparison before
But it's one of the best ways I can explain.
There's a season where Emma is cursed to being the Dark One
Rumpelstiltskin is constantly making his way in her head.
To be the voice that lures her in.
Reminding her how much easier things would be if she would just stop fighting it...And that's what it feels like right now.
Like having Rumple, follow you around 24/7.
Pulling you in to become the dark one when you're trying your hardest not to let everyone down by letting that happen.
The most annoying part of it all?
Is that there is a part of me that just wants it.
Wishing it would just come back into my life
And I get mad at myself because I know that I'm a stronger person than just giving in.
But, for some reason I feel like I've been programmed to constantly want things to go the wrong way.
Its irritating because I know that that's not what I want and yetI sit here wanting it
Then I sit here getting frustrated because I know that I can do better than that.
Like.
Do I really want to go back to that?
No.
But I sit here thinking about it as I drive to the doctors appointment- to HEAL my stomach.
What's most frustrating is that I feel like I can't express a lot of what I'm thinking because people will start to worry or question whether or not I'm serious about my recovery.
Because no, things are perfect after recovery.
It can certainly be easy to portray things being better than they are through social media.
And that's never what I've wanted
So it's just annoying. I'm feeling very frustrated. Mostly with myself.
But I would hate for this post to turn into something that makes people worry
Or caused them to watch me closer.
I'm posting this because I want to be honest for somebody who might be going through the same thing and is expecting things to just fall into place and for these thoughts to go away because sometimes just don't.
But you have just got to find something that makes you more motivated to not do what you're used to doing.
WOW
Can you tell it's been way too long since I've blogged?
If you're a still reading,
thank you for making it through the novel.
I'm excited to have this platform.
Hopefully today will spark a question.
And if you have any for me, please don't hesitate
I'm definitely an open book.
I would love to answer them!
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