lets get real

When your mind is a mess, the best thing to do is try to make sense of it

So thats what im going to try and do through these next few blogs- make sense

source

Im thankful that I am at the point in my life where I certainly am feeling more self aware, but that 
doesn't always make it easier to handle.

Typically these would be the times where I would talk to a trusted therapist, but blogging tends to 
be much cheaper, so if you’re here, thank you, strap in, it's going to be one heck of a ride.

I think what has held me back for so long is that I am afraid people will read this and just assume 
that my life is spiraling off the deep end

That I’m not on “the other side” so to speak.

What I guess I mean is, most of the time, people just want to hear the end.

The redemption

The problem with waiting for someone to hit their redemption story is, life doesn't always work out that way.

Giving out one singular redemption and it’s over.

I mean yea, had you known me three years ago, on the outside looking in, by most people's 
definition, they would say “well she certainly has a redemption story”

And I suppose what has really been holding me back from writing is that I'm scared to ruin this 
redemption illusion.

No one really ever wants to talk about the middle

The struggle

It’s like everyone is waiting for you to hit some pivotal point and #blessed

But that's just not life

And if I’m honest

This has been an incredibly messy and hard month

Call me lame, but I have listened to the same musical for WEEKS now

And I think I seriously can’t get enough of it because it highlights that middle part people often 
brush under the rug.

For me, letting people know I’m still in the middle has been incredibly hard and embarrassing 
I guess? 

I feared for a while that it’s a tired topic

A “wow she’s still going on about that” topic

And ya, my life looks different than it did those few years ago

And I’m not even going to deny that I haven’t had some point of redemption. All I’m saying is that it-can happen more than once, for the same situation. Lightning can always strike again and 
I guess so can life. Even if it’s already hit that spot before.

So I guess through these next few posts, my goal is to be crazy open and honest and work 
through a lot of just mental mess.

If you’re still reading, I love you and appreciate you!

Thanks for taking the time,

And certainly stay tuned, because it’s about to get real.

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