Letting go of comfortable

Mmmm, 

nothing can quite compare to the comfort of a belly full of a fresh latte. The aroma that fills your nose, warms your belly and puts a smile on your face as you take your first sip. 

If you don't already know, I am a person who LOVES to be comfortable. 

So what's my dilemma?

I'm not allowed to be comfortable anymore.

Comfort is hurting me. 

Comfort is hurting my family.

Change does not always happen in comfort. 

I love going home to visit my family because any time my husband and I are able to get away it’s like a mini vacation for my mind. All of the “to-do” lists of the week evaporate into thin air. Work is on the back burner of my mind. And my head just seems to take a deep sigh of relief as I escape the routine of life and just head home. 

But something funny would always happen as I spent time at home, as much as I would relax, my eating disorder is constantly in the back of my mind, taking the comforts of home away from me, nagging me back into my own realities as I tried so hard to leave them back in Illinois. 

So, as comfortable as home is to visit, I was always filled with a sense of relief in knowing that once I got back to our apartment, I would have all the comforts of my regular schedule, my regular food and my regular gym. but the problem now is that comfort is costing me. 

It’s costing me my health

It’s costing me my relationships

It’s costing my family their peace of mind

As I traveled back to Illinois 10 days ago, my mom and I driving down the highway together I realized, I no longer get to be comfortable. Nothing gets to be the same when I reach my apartment threshold. I don’t get to eat the same foods, I don’t get to have my same routines and work out in the ways that make me feel safe. but sometimes safe doesn’t always mean progress. 

I want so badly for things to be different. I want my body to be strong. I want to mend the brokenness this eating disorder has caused. But as much as I’m motivated, ED wants me to continue in this comfort. To continue in this place where I’m safe. 

So, my husband and mom are here in my life right now to remind me why I want to be un-comfortable. Pushing me to push against the constant pull back into that comfort zone. And it may not always look like much, but it’s these small decisions every day, these small steps out of the “zone” that bring me closer to the things I (Alicia) want for myself. 

Leave a Comment comfort, family, moving on, recovery

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Thursday Thoughts!

Why is life so hard? 

Because you are capable.

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This answer I received the other day as I questioned (probably God) with my head in my heads, while working at my yoga studio. 

I've just been feeling so defeated lately. 

I started a new job close to two months ago with Starbucks, which has been amazing but also very defeating at times. Especially when you're working the opening shifts at 4:30am. My mental capacities are not awake with me that early in the morning, so when you begin to restock wrong, mess up a drink or incorrectly ring someone up while customers and managers are there to remind you of it along the way, your head just can't deal. 

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Also on the docket of life, lets throw in trying to finish courses for the BA you worked for, LAST May. However, impossible steps and phone calls with registrar are literally making that dream an un-reality. 

On top of it all, gnawing away at you, is your voice. Along with everyone else's, it reminds you that you need to recover. Amidst all of the above. You need to recover. And as much as I want to so desperately, it seems so insurmountable, that I'm just stuck. Stranded in the middle of it all, until someone simply reminds you, "you are capable"

Why does recovery seem so gigantic and scary and impossible?  Because ED knows I am capable. And it is putting everything in my way to keep me where I am. But I don't want to stay where I am anymore. It's not OK. Maybe alone I'm not capable, or just not as able to be, so that's why I'm making some changes. 

So, this week, my mom has moved in with me. Yup. That's right. My mom is moving in with my husband and I, to help me in my journey. 

How does it feel? To be married and have my mom moving back in because I can't do this alone? (genuinely?) AMAZING! I don't know. For some reason I feel like it takes some of the pressure off of making sure I do this right. Holding it all together when I'm actually freaking out. It feels like it takes some power away from ED and is giving me a sense of freedom. I can't wait for her to get here. 

And maybe I won't always be this thankful every single day. But it's a journey. And it's going to be tough. But I had an awesome reminder today. That I am capable. And you are too. 

So whether its job stress, school stress, messy life stress, or maybe you're just feeling a little "bleh", remind yourself that you are so much more capable than you think!!

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Welcome

Well hello!

Welcome to Everyday Joys. My name is Alicia and I am on the journey to finding my joys in an everyday life. Here in my blog you will find things centered on my life, recovery, family, most-likely some DIY and any other pressing thoughts that I feel like I just can't contain!! I'm so excited to have you all here joining me on my journey back to true joy.

Here are a few people I think I should introduce you to that you may meet along the way!

My mom and dad. These people have been my biggest supporters through literally everything! They are two of the most loving people I've ever known and I couldn't have asked for two better role models to have grown up with.

Another one of my most favorite people is my brother Tyler. He is probably the most genuine person I know and is so much smarter than he gives himself credit for. This kid is in college for computer programming, I mean come on!

Last, I've been so blessed to have this kid marry into my life. Jake is my best friend, husband, and my rock through all the rocky parts of life. I see God's love and compassion lived out in him so much I just can't help but fall in love with him more and more as our marriage continues to grow.

In college I studied a little of this, and a little of that before finally (after 11 major changes) decided to study and graduate with a BA in Christian Education. I'm so excited to see where this degree takes me!!

However, now that I'm a recent college graduate, thrown into the mix of this thing we call life, I'm just trying to figure it all out one day at a time.

I currently work two jobs, barista by day and yoga teacher by night.

When I'm not working away, I love finding time to craft. Big things, small things, once I set my mind on a project I've just got to see it through!

I'd like to think that I'm good at taking photos. But really just grabbing my camera and taking it with me everywhere is more of a hobby. I'm hoping one day my skills will match were my brain thinks I am haha!

I'd hope to eventually finish writing, and publish a book. Even if I hold the only copy, it's on my bucket-list.

I've been to London, Mexico and Kenya and hope to continue traveling the world.

One day too, I hope that some of these rocky parts of my life are behind me and I can use my experience to help and encourage those around me. Whether it's one person or many, I'm excited to see where this journey takes me!

I hope you enjoy my blog and I'm excited to share my journey along with you!

Leave a Comment Faith, family, life, Me, welcome

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