Why is life so hard?
Because you are capable.
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This answer I received the other day as I questioned (probably God) with my head in my heads, while working at my yoga studio.
I've just been feeling so defeated lately.
I started a new job close to two months ago with Starbucks, which has been amazing but also very defeating at times. Especially when you're working the opening shifts at 4:30am. My mental capacities are not awake with me that early in the morning, so when you begin to restock wrong, mess up a drink or incorrectly ring someone up while customers and managers are there to remind you of it along the way, your head just can't deal.
I started a new job close to two months ago with Starbucks, which has been amazing but also very defeating at times. Especially when you're working the opening shifts at 4:30am. My mental capacities are not awake with me that early in the morning, so when you begin to restock wrong, mess up a drink or incorrectly ring someone up while customers and managers are there to remind you of it along the way, your head just can't deal.
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Also on the docket of life, lets throw in trying to finish courses for the BA you worked for, LAST May. However, impossible steps and phone calls with registrar are literally making that dream an un-reality.
On top of it all, gnawing away at you, is your voice. Along with everyone else's, it reminds you that you need to recover. Amidst all of the above. You need to recover. And as much as I want to so desperately, it seems so insurmountable, that I'm just stuck. Stranded in the middle of it all, until someone simply reminds you, "you are capable"
Why does recovery seem so gigantic and scary and impossible? Because ED knows I am capable. And it is putting everything in my way to keep me where I am. But I don't want to stay where I am anymore. It's not OK. Maybe alone I'm not capable, or just not as able to be, so that's why I'm making some changes.
So, this week, my mom has moved in with me. Yup. That's right. My mom is moving in with my husband and I, to help me in my journey.
How does it feel? To be married and have my mom moving back in because I can't do this alone? (genuinely?) AMAZING! I don't know. For some reason I feel like it takes some of the pressure off of making sure I do this right. Holding it all together when I'm actually freaking out. It feels like it takes some power away from ED and is giving me a sense of freedom. I can't wait for her to get here.
And maybe I won't always be this thankful every single day. But it's a journey. And it's going to be tough. But I had an awesome reminder today. That I am capable. And you are too.
So whether its job stress, school stress, messy life stress, or maybe you're just feeling a little "bleh", remind yourself that you are so much more capable than you think!!
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