It’s been hard to have a good perspective on recovery
lately, especially when I’ve been feeling pretty good overall.
And maybe that’s why I’ve had a hard time thinking through
what to say.
Things have been going well though.
The holiday season kind of took me on a coast through life.
Sort of a “go with the flow” being here and there with meals, and treats. In a
good way though! It gave me a break from thinking through what’s next and
what’s next. It was comfortable to just be and enjoy the holiday.
As the New Year started I felt good, and then I feel like
everything caught up with me.
My days started to get harder to get through, and I feel like it has taken me
a while to bounce back from the holiday “un-schedule”.
And as I said, things overall have been good, but can still tend to be rough.
There is still a lot that I need to let go of.
Body checking.
Worrying about-unknown food or unprepared meals.
What will happen to my body without my schedule.
But even with the entire negative, there’s a lot that
motivates me now.
 |
| Yes. This almond butter is a huge motivator. |
I don't think I can say I always find myself living in the sense of Could 9 positivity, probably
most days I tend not to.
However, things are starting to look different.
I used to feel stuck, like things would stay negative
forever. But it’s getting easier to keep moving forward.
There is still a lot to get used to.
-A new body.
-Seeing a new shape in the mirror.
-Trying to like what I see.
-Clothes that fit differently (or that don’t fit at all).
-My face is fuller.
Sometimes I’m proud, and that feels weird. But a good weird.
Because I don’t know if a lot of people, myself included,
thought I could do this on my own.
And I get super exited about all the progress I’m making.
All the support I’ve received through family and friends makes me so happy.
But then I get worried. Like what if what I’ve done hasn’t
been enough?
Like, I’d love to share progress photos, but what if they
aren’t good enough?
I guess I’m worried people might judge me for how I’m recovering.
Which is probably silly. But this has been on my mind lately. I’m
genuinely happier. Things are getting easier. I spend less and less time
wrapped in ED’s thoughts and it’s really cool.
Hope you guys are great! And woah! Ready to kick off February (yea, spell check had to correct that spelling once or twice. .
.Februurarry? Febwuray?)
-should I post more progress photos? is that weird
-can I tell you anything else about myself?
-what are some staples in your cupboard that I can add to my own!
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